Fear is a Shape Shifter

Three years ago as a requirement for a school communications class I began this blog.   

The blog is still appropriately titled "Erika's Endeavors," along with the intent of the blog, to improve on my writing skills and focus on my growth as a person.  

One thing in life we cannot escape is change, yet change does not guarantee growth.  True growth only comes when we reflect on those changes which surround our decisions, successes, relationships, emotions, failures and most of all the changes which are beyond our control.   

The real catalyst of reintroducing myself to this blog, is to ignite my passion for writing and commit to it on a regular basis.  

Why commit to this?  

Well, yes because I enjoy it.  It holds a therapeutic purpose in enhancing my creativity, expansion of thoughts, and clarity of mind.  Yet, consciously recommitting to our work, if that’s truly what we wish to do, restores our sense of power.

The problem I realized that has held me back as a writer is fear.  It's scary to put your thoughts into words then share with other people.  In fact, it's TERRIFYING.   

As a writer, you tend to become caught between "thought" and "action," while fear often preempts action.

Then, I had an epiphany.  The same stumbling block in my writing was effecting the quality of other aspects in my life.   I am capable of more in love, life, passion and talents.  Giving in to fear is selling myself short, and life is too short to do so. 

Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.  ~Stephen Vincent Benét

So first and foremost, I must write for myself.  Nothing worth doing does not contain an element of fear, and although certain things in life are beyond my control, I can certainly embrace that which I can control and make my life much richer.  The sky is the limit!

So Back to Erika's Endeavors.....The definition and the force behind my blog. 

Noun 1. endeavor - a purposeful or industrious undertaking (especially one that requires effort or boldness); 

1. A conscientious or concerted effort toward an end; an earnest attempt.
2. Purposeful or industrious activity; enterprise.
v. en·deav·ored, en·deav·or·ing, en·deav·ors 

To attempt (fulfillment of a responsibility or an obligation, for example) by employment or expenditure of effort: endeavored to improve the quality of life.

To work with a set or specified goal or purpose.

Rain are our tears
Our heart and our eyes can not bear,
BUT,
Without them,
Our hearts would be falsely sunny,
Without the reality of fear.

How do we manage?
Our strength shines through.
Oh tears, Oh rain
When will we be done with you???

The rain pours out sadness
Our inner most depths,
People are crying,
The streets are deaf.

The concrete streets are shiny and dark.
The clouds are blank.
Stareful and stark.

Let the rain fall down.
Let it deplete all our tears.
Because in the morning.
A rainbow is near.

Shed the earth of sadness,
In the morning we will see,
A rising sun,
And a glowing beam.

The rainbow falls,
With colors astounding,
The sun rises,
To brighten our surroundings.

Keep hope,
Keep faith,
Tomorrow,
Will surely be a better day!

My Lifelong Best Friend and Our Adventures

Amanda has been my lifelong best friend, and step cousin. When my mom moved to Oklahoma, her dad just so happened to move to Texas so we were still close and went back to San Diego together every summer. Then she moved back to San Diego and I moved back a year after that! So we have always been so close and experienced all of life's adventures together. We are friends, step cousins, sisters at heart, and room mates before I moved to Oklahoma. I am blessed to have such a close friend who understands and knows me better than anyone!




Amanda and I talking with Jay Leno after getting to sit in the second row that day with no tickets and didn't even wait in line. We are like Lucy and Ethel always finding fun and mischeif!



Amanda being my "agent" lol and support when I tried out for American Idol in 2006 in Pasadena, CA.




Amanda has been my best friend since I was TWO!

Vision

A cloud builds up
And my vision is blurred,
My eyes do not see past the fog
That this jealousy has stirred.

My brain lashes thoughts
I would die to let loose,
But this tongue is a sword
And would be of no good use.

Blinded thoughts are quick
Without any grounding,
Take a minute to breath
Take in my surroundings.

Let this artificial anger pass
Before I speak how I feel,
Because words spoken out of fury
Leave a permanent seal.

When the fog clears,
And my vision is regained,
One thing I realize,
Those thoughts were deranged.

I don’t have to stress
And waste such precious life on worries,
Because the people who love you
Will prove you wrong in your fury.

By Erika Elston

Sir Ken Robinson: Do schools kill creativity?

I named my blog Erika's Endeavors and as my first blog I figured it would be appropriate to define my "Endeavor."

Noun 1. endeavor - a purposeful or industrious undertaking (especially one that requires effort or boldness);

1. A conscientious or concerted effort toward an end; an earnest attempt.
2. Purposeful or industrious activity; enterprise.
v. en·deav·ored, en·deav·or·ing, en·deav·ors

To attempt (fulfillment of a responsibility or an obligation, for example) by employment or expenditure of effort: endeavored to improve the quality of life in the inner city.

To work with a set or specified goal or purpose.

After taking three years off from school, I moved from San Diego to Oklahoma City to finally finish my college education. Last year as a 24 year old junior I knew I was here to finish school, but I did not quite feel the motivation I needed to look outside the box. I attended the classes, and was disappointed that on my second chance I was still just going through the motions half-heartedly. With one more year of school left, an epiphany hit me. What do I want to do with my life? Will I chase a coroporate 8-5 job, (the one thing I always said I would hate to do) or will I rediscover myself and pursue my talents. The only problem is, I lost sight of my talents and hobbies and my life seemed to lack a purpose.

Thats when I realized, I am on an Endeavor and as it states in the definition above I am on a "purposeful or industrious undertaking" of my life!

I would categorize myself over the last five years as a wanderer. A wanderer chasing something, but not quite knowing what I was chasing after. What happened to all those dreams and talents I pursued as a naive 18 year old girl right out of highschool?

I posted the video of Ken Robinson "School Kills Creativity," and hopefully it will inspire everyone including myself to realize that there are endless opportunities and dreams we can live without limiting our talents and creativity!